Just in case I forget the meaning of life, or if 42 is not an adequate answer.

A purpose of human life, no matter who is controlling it, is to love whoever is around to be loved. - Kurt Vonnegut

You nosy bugger, leave my computer and my print jobs be, there no business of yours, and I did not request nor do I want your comments on it.

When did Christmas gift giving go awry?

   Ok, so probably a really long time ago. But the stress!!! And I'm not talking about the stress over what you're going to get other people, since that's a whole abyss of problems, but the dreaded "What do you want for Christmas?" quandary. The pressure to think up something that you want, but something that's appropriately available, priced, and non-personal enough that someone else can get it for you. Now, I'm treading a fine line here on sounding ungrateful, and let me assure you, that's not my sentiment. I appreciate gifts, I so do. Charles and I were gifted with many wonderful things by generous friends pre-during-and post wedding, and I tremendously appreciate the though, monetary value and time that people put into them, including an antique platter with someone else's anniversary inscription and date on it. People who decided to gift us money, also, equally grateful. There's many things that we will be able to do with that money, and hey, you can never go wrong with money.

    But when people decide they don't want to give you money, they wish to purchase a gift, only they don't want to be responsible for making the decision on what to buy, that's the crux. So the responsibility is transferred back to you. In a simple and relatively benign comment, like: "What do you want for Christmas? I want to get you something, but you pick it".

   So then we have the dilemma: do we answer honestly, and let the asker know that you genuinely have your eye on a 300$ mixer, that you've planned to set aside your spare change and can money for months until you have enough saved up to splurge and treat yourself to the overpriced but good quality appliance (not likely)? Or do you try and wrack your brains, estimate how much that person might be willing to spend on you for the appropriate holiday, what they might be willing to go and get, whether the sales person would scare them or if their drive might be too far out of their way, or is it appropriate for them to give you as a gift at all, and what did you tell Aunt Betty that she could get you just last week, can't tell them the same thing!!!!

   My philosophy was to put it back on the giver, gently, but in a firm manner that puts the decision back into their hands with some inspiration. "Well, you have wonder taste/ a beautifully decorated home/ are so fashionably awesome please think of something that you might like yourself/in your home, and I'm sure it would be a unique treat for us to have." Cause that's how you develop eclectic, and eclectic is lovely.

   But in the case of some, this method of letting them know you have faith in their choice doesn't catch, and they just insistently go on till you break down, frustrated, and they demand you tell them exactly what to buy, and you tell them about the 300$ mixer  you've had your eye on.......and then they scoff, and say..

"...Well, I'll just give you money toward that I guess........"

So I did done gone got married....

And it went pretty well, all things considered, there was no bloodshed after all!

I should blog. I really should. Maybe sometime. Once the dust settles and I'm feeling the capability of writing things down. Perhaps a return to the somewhat witty musings I tried to convey before.

As long as it's real

Yes, it's Saturday night, and I'm sitting in surfing and listening to music because I'm a loser and I don't want to risk spending money. I even did laundry. I watched Garden State this morning, at my roommates' repeated and unrelenting demand. It's a good watch, if anyone else out there feels like they're going through a quarter life crisis. Apparently that's now almost as recognized as a midlife crisis, however, when you're in your mid 20's apparently you're not nearly as significant, and therefore, no one really cares. I think the main gist of it is we've spent the past 10-15 years cramming and getting ready for life, and when it hits, we're totally lost and don't really know what to do, other than bury our heads in the sand, or the closest distraction to it.

Don't get me wrong, I'm more than ready to stop going to school, start working so I can get out of the stifling debt I've placed upon myself, and start living my life. Not dreading certain times of the year because tests are coming and term papers are due, that would be nice. I apparently perform quite well under stress, but that doesn't mean I enjoy it. I'd like to squeeze some time in there for enjoyment of life. And not feel guilty about it.

Had a discussion with random stranger #256 at a party last night, and I made the conclusion that I keep putting my life on hold for things. Sometimes they're important things, necessary things that need to be accomplished in order to continue, or at least I think they are. For instance, my whole year up here in NFL. Oh sure, I'm learning lots, but it's just another pause on the way to wherever it is I'm going. I failed in finding myself satisfying and sustaining work in the real world, and found myself wasting time in a few inappropriate and dead end jobs after I graduated. Then random stranger pointed out that really, it's the journey that's what counts, it's the path you choose to get you there that matters. Yes, of course, good point. But what if you aren't really enjoying the journey, or when you take the time to enjoy it, you fall behind? That thought kind of got me down, because lately, the journey hasn't really been that mind expanding, nor have I been getting a great kick out of it.

I know that while I've been here I've tried really hard not to put down any sort of roots. I don't want to invest myself in this place as a long term thing. I've met lovely people, and I'm happy that I've made friends and acquaintances that will stick with me for the rest of my life, or at least I'll stick with them. Attachments to the place itself though, I've steered clear. I've just missed all my attachments back home. That's pretty bleak when you think of it. I built up a picture wall above my bed, with my favorite pictures from home, and things I've done with friends. I suppose those are my roots here, however shallow the scotch tape lets them spread. I'm not sure what's going to happen next, but I'd really like for the ride to get a lot more enjoyable, and hopefully more exciting.

We're back, the term has started anew

and they're trying to screw me already. Well, housing is, but I've just sent a carefully worded letter of complaint, which will hopefully be received, considered, determined to be right, problem corrected, and all to be well with the world again. Hopefully. I'll keep ya posted. In the meantime, I found a good dollar store, and loaded up on bagfulls of school and apartment stuff for the low low price of 9.98. I love you dollaramma. You're a savior in a quagmire of money grabbers, and are to be commended. Such simple things can make me happy. That, and little quacking ducks milling about my feet, all excited that the snow has melted and they can eat the grass again.

Merry Christmas!

I hope everyone has a wonderful Christmas, or whatever you might celebrate, wherever you are!

Finals rush

It's that time of year. And in fact, it's been years since I've done this. Aside from the marine biology final I had last year, it's been quite a long time since I've done finals, let alone 5 science and math ones in a row. Well, that's a lie, the math one was a take home, and it was passed in thursday. So now, four finals, then I'm home free. Unfortunately, I spent the better part of the weekend and friday working on getting all the utter crap that I had due in. Yeah, some of it, like the lab reports, were months late, and some of it, like the last few chem lab reports, were just horribly done pieces of crap that would make the most understanding proff shake their head. Since I spent the weekend on that, I have no mind to study for my exams. Which is sad. Which is why I'm blogging. My remote sensing final is tomorrow morning, and the panic hasn't set in. And it's hard stuff. Like, why am I learning this, I have no desire to know this much about panchromatic sensors and along track, push broom satellite scanners. Why am I taking this program again? PEI in one week, god I hope I can make it.

Ford Prefect would recommend a towel.

In these quiet times, before the exams, when everything is due and I have so much stuff that I need to get done it's laughable that I'm sitting here writting on a blog, I feel that I maybe shouldn't put myself in these rather stressfull situations. See, I don't fare well under stress. I usually get the job done, but I really don't want to be doing it, I don't see any profit in finishing it, and I really learn very little or get very little out of it all. Really, I'd much rather be fishing. I'd get a lot more out of it generally.
I also feel like my life occasionally reads like a Douglas Adams book. You know, the later ones, that rarely make sense. It's just my inner dialog as I go about my day, not the actual events that seem to sound that way. My thoughts just seem to fly off in completely random directions. Like when I spent 5 minutes walking around my apartment with a toothbrush in hand because my first thought was that if I brushed my teeth, that would be productive. Well, eventually I did brush my teeth, and used mouth rince, then washed my face again, and now I'm blogging. Not really all that productive I s'pose. Ah well, there's always tomorrow.

p.s. Praise the fuzzy little jebus! the Stats proff forgot that she promised us another assignment, and we still have a few days to pass in the already week late one! Fabu!

More dinner time entertainment

I started to be slightly urked when she was standing in the kitchen bitching about how little counterspace we have, how disssscccuussting(!) everything in this place was, and what fucking pigs we are (we being the other three girls who live here). She must either feel that my open door is actually a soundproof barrier, or she's just hoping that one day I'll acknowledge her presence and come out and hand her ass to her on one of her dinner plates that we are not allowed to touch.

I will give her this, Burton's Pond is a 30+ year old dive in general, but I'd be happy to help her move out if she wished to do so, since there's a huge waiting list to get in here.

Then I stopped being urked as the conversation proceeded and her mood swings became completly erratic and shifted every 20 seconds or so. From bitching about the tablecloth moving on the table (oh no's!), to telling her boyfriend what she wanted to get him for christmas, to her getting pissed because he wasn't estatic that she wanted to get him a dress shirt, to talking about cute fuzzy puppies, to telling him off for putting a glass down on the table.

Man, I've just been laughing ever since she yelled about the tablecloth. There's no way I'm going to waste time and energy being pissed about this girl, her issues in life are far too petty. I think her insides must be pickled and green just from being so angry all the time.

It does make for great entertainment though.

Kiwi

I don't know why I love this so much. It makes me smile and cry at the same time. Little Kiwi with big dreams.

Happiness is...

Happiness is taking a walk in the woods and finding the mitt you lost there a week or two ago. Really, just finding missing mitts does wonders for the world.

Dinner dialog

Steve*, what are you doing?
Steve, come out here.
Come sit out here, get out here.
What are you doing in there, come sit out here while I make dinner.
Come here! I hate you.
Get out here!
Why do you have to be such a fucker?
Stop it and come out here, you could at least talk to me for 5 minutes.
Don't stand there, sit down.
Don't touch that!
Leave that mushroom alone. Yes, I know it's an onion.
Shut up! God!
That's stupid.
Why are you being so stupid?!
Why do you do this to me?
Stop, turn that off, put something different on.
There is more to life than TSN.
If you want to date TSN, go date TSN.
I can't take it anymore.
Why won't you talk to me?
Is that why you have the tv on, so you won't have to talk to me?

*Names have been changed to protect the poor bastard.

Yes ladies and gentlemen, she's a real charmer. And no, the tone wasn't joking. Yes, perhaps it's rude of me to listen to this conversation, but as it's happening directly in front of my wide open door where I can be seen, I felt the need to document this as it was going on, since it was just so hard to believe those were the words being said. Not to tell imply how I think they should treat others, but that's got to be demoralizing. Sad. Makes me want to be nicer to every person I see in the run of a day. Some good comes of it I guess.

I went walking in the woods today, and I found a fish.

This was a neat little bridge insert that was over a tributary to Long pond. I decided to take myself for a walk today, since it was saturday, and it's been a very long week. It was a lovely walk, but I unfortunately lost a mitten. I backtracked twice (it turned into a very long walk), but I never found it. I figure one of the other walkers must have found it and picked it up. I'm not sure why, but for whatever reason they did. Could also have been a small child or a dog, there were quite a few of those along the stretch that I lost it too. Ah well, can't cry over spilled milk and lost mittens I suppose. It was a genuinely gorgeous walk, if a bit windy, and I've found half a dozen new little "spots" that I can go to now when I just want to walk, see the birds, and be alone. Very comforting, and I suggest you go find one if you haven't yet.

Have you ever had one of those moments where you question what you're doing and why you're doing it, that there must have been some step in the instructions that most other people didn't miss, some little gem of knowledge that would tie everything in and cause everything to make more sense? Yeah, I've been having one of those moments all week long.

Mardi Gras

This is my roomate Katie and I, dressed up before we went out. Yes, that dismal cement block wall is our actual living room wall. It's very depressing, we do try to decorate to make up for it. I had horns and she had a tail. We enjoyed it.

I got bored with the waterlilly. It was pretty, but I didn't like messing around with the template when I wanted to change anything, and I totally don't have the time for it. Sad I know, but maybe I'll figure out something that will make this look prettier at some point. For now, simplicity will do.

Yeah yeah, I haven't posted in a while.
Look, a million sorrys if you've missed me, I've been busy. I apologize if you think I've fallen off the face of the planet or some such horrid fate, alas, I'm still here. Things are a bit hectic here at school, I'm working far harder than I'm used to, which makes me quite a dull girl. I get up at 7, catch the bus at 8, class starts at 9, and I get off at sometime around 4-5, depending on whether I can leave then or not is up in the air, as I don't have all the programs on my computer at home, like idrisi or minitab, or the equation editor. Yeah, that's right, I'm all about the minitab these days. Shoot me now please. Then I spend a lovely rousing evening trying to figure out how to do the multitude of assignments that they've plagued us with, or imagine what exactly it is they'd like us to include in our mysterious lab reports. Sometimes I catch a quick swim, sometimes I just fall asleep from sheer exhaustion, only to wake up at 11 and panic because I've wasted too much time. God it's fun to be a grad student, why would I ever consider leaving this all behind to get a career?

I did get out last weekend though, had a fantastic time. Got to sit and drink with nice new people, and listen while they played guitar, which made me miss home terribly, but at least there are other people in the world that I've found to hang out with that are somewhat as nice as all the people I've left at home (or who've escaped to other parts of Canada). I'm usually referred to as "my love" or equally as cute "my duck" by those who address me, or called Tazmarania or KamasutraGirl. The girls call me Tamsyn for the most part, so I'll take it where I can get it.

Apparently this weekend is Mardi Gras, and I've been requested to come to a prebash and join them for the long walk downtown in the freezing wind to stand in the streets and drink heartily with other people of like minds. Did I mention that it's required that you wear costumes? Yeah, apparently I've got to get on that too. Well see if I can afford to take the time off, or even afford it monetarily. As the first time in the past 9 years that I've spent without having a job of some sort, I'm quickly running out of money. Might be needing to look into fixing that, but I keep running into the problem that I hate people in general, dislike customer service with a passion, and lack the ability to work in the food industry. Hopefully something pops up.

Anyway, now I've got to go write a lab test, followed on Friday by a midterm, and finish two assignments and a few lab reports by then. Yeah, I'm having a blast up here. Can't wait for Christmas. :)

Thanksgiving by my Onezies
Today I took myself out for thanksgiving dinner. I put myself on the required buses and got myself up to the only Swiss chalet that I've seen here (apparently there are more than one, I wasn't going to push it). Had myself the lovely special, enjoyed and finished my lovely book, and had a very nice waiter who seemed to understand that I wasn't having a pity party for thanksgiving away from family, I was just there to have some nice chicken, and he was very attentive and kept calling me "my love" (it's a NFL thing). As I was sitting there, munching away and being thankful for Douglas Adams, I couldn't help but be distracted by the shrieking banshee who had landed her ass at the table across from mine. The woman went into long detail about how one should never trust supermarkets, everyone should always by straight from the farmers fields, how restaurants only serve heavily processed and preserved foods followed by a shrill "What do you mean strawberries aren't in season!! When I order strawberry desert, I expect them to be fresh!!" to the poor waitress trying her best to accommodate the hag. She went on to bitch about tipping waiters and waitresses, and how the customer should not be expected to pay more for service, that the restaurant should absorb the cost, or that the government should compensate for it because the waitstaff don't get taxed on it, and how unfair it all was. She then started a snarky running commentary to who I can only assume was her sister about how ill behaved her children were and chiding then for not being more demure, blaming it on her sister not making them get enough sleep. The kids weren't little angels, but they certainly weren't bothering anyone else, telling each other jokes and giggling, then coloring their placemats.

After they left, calm and pleasantness returned to our section of the restaurant, and all I could wonder was what had happened to that woman to make her quite so angry and bitter about life on the whole. Whatever it was, I'd really like to avoid it, I think the stress of being that negative about everything would be simply exhausting.